Are you terrified of sucking d*ck? If you don’t have one yourself, it can be quite confronting. Even if you’re a guy and it’s your first time getting one in your mouth, it can be daunting. It’s not as if you’ve been able to suck your own!? (If you can, get in touch. We want to talk to you…)
Questions can fill your mind, “Am I doing this right? Did I just use my teeth? What if he tastes gross?!” Well fear no more.
We’ve spoken to a couple of the most qualified professionals out there on how you can get yourself comfortable and actually enjoy it. Here’s what sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer and Isla View, who teaches the ‘Art of Fellatio’ workshop, had to say when they were on the show.
First of all, you’ve got to be in the mood!
You’ll enjoy anything more if you’re in the mood – that’s a given. But Jacqueline says that if you’re doing a blowjob because you think you have to, then it’s not going to be pleasurable for you OR them.
“If you’re already turned on and you want cock, it’s a completely different experience. The receiver of the blowjob always loves it when the partner is enjoying themselves,” she told The Hook Up.
Get out of your head and relax.
If you’re ‘in your head’ thinking about whether you’re doing it right, there is no way you’re relaxing, and you’re probably not enjoying it. Then if you’re not, he probably isn’t either. Think of it as a blowjob domino effect of no pleasure.
“You’ve gotta learn to relax”, Jacqueline says. “Relax around your jaw, your throat, and your cheeks. It will also change the type of pleasure the other person receives. [If you’re relaxed, your mouth is] soft, it’s flexible and it molds, and the tongue will work better.”
The other bonus of being relaxed is there’s less of a chance of you getting a sore neck.
Isla even suggests putting some music on:
“Blowjobs are really rhythmical,” she says. “While you’re bobbing your head, there’s no reason why you can’t be bobbing the rest of your body as well. It really engages you and grounds you, instead of you thinking “am I doing this right? OMG, my jaw is starting to hurt!”
Isla suggests you could find yourself in a position where you’re pleasuring yourself while pleasuring your partner. “This might be a pillow between your legs, pushing your body up against the person who’s receiving the blowjob, or using your own hands to manually manipulate yourself,” she says. (And by “manually manipulate”, she pretty much means touch yourself *wink*)
Maybe use your hands?
“There is so much more to be involved as well”, says Isla. “Use your hands; you can reach up and stroke his chest, reach around to his bottom. There are other parts of his anatomy you can enjoy like his balls or his ass. It doesn’t just have to be your mouth on his penis.”
Jacqueline also suggests using your hands on the shaft of the penis, so your mouth isn’t doing ALL the work. If you’ve got other skills, use ’em 😉
The age old question: is it spits or swallows?
Of course, if you’re not using a condom for your blowjob then you have STIs and HIV to consider. But if you’ve decided not to, then Jacqueline has this tip for you:
“Make sure the penis is at the back of the tongue, because most of your taste buds are at the front of your tongue. That way it goes straight down into the digestive tract that is very tough on germs.”
Further, avoid brushing your teeth beforehand as that can expose the gums or cause bleeding, which can increase the chance of HIV transmission if he cums in your mouth. If you’re unsure of your partner’s HIV status, it’s probably best to avoid him cumming in your mouth at all, especially if you have cuts or ulcers in your mouth or throat. These are hotspots for HIV transmission. There are plenty of other places he can blow his load, so get creative! (This is particularly relevant for men who have sex with men).
Still don’t think you’re doing it right?
Ask! You’ll probably get an idea from him if he’s liking it or not. If he’s moaning or saying, “ohhh yeahhhhh”, that’s probably a good indication he’s enjoying it. Plus, him saying that can be a mega turn on for you, too!
But whether he’s saying something or not, it’s always a good idea to check in and ask if he likes what you’re doing. All guys are different; some might not like it as fast or with as much suction, for example.
As Isla says, “ask what works for him so you’re both enjoying it more”
So there you go. Happy sucking!